Sore Losers
“I’ve always been a poor sport and a sore loser…any other behavior might encourage a repeat performance” — ― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single
My father was a notoriously bad loser.
Even when he played games with his grandkids, like Candy Land or Chutes and Ladders, if he lost he sulked like it was the end of his world. It got so that we only played, and very reluctantly, if he suggested it.
No one I know likes to lose. First of all what I lose at has to have some meaning. Playing a game with kids is not life changing to me and in fact I hope the kids win. To them it is a big deal. To me, not really.
But if it is really important I will become agitated if I lose.
The championship basketball game I play in or not getting that big contract are things I do not want to lose. But even if I do, there is a decorum to be maintained. A loss is a loss. Can’t change it, but can change the approach for the next time.
Pouting and carrying on like it is the end of the world helps nothing and nobody. It doesn’t alter the outcome and may make a bad situation even worse.
And the opposite of being a sore loser is being a bad winner.
You won something, “Hurray”. Celebrate the win. But do not flaunt it or rub it in the loser’s or anyone else’s face. Again there is a decorum one should have and maintain. How you deal with these 2 things tells people a lot about you.
It is like the football coach who tells his players about celebrating a touchdown or some great play. He says, “Act like you have done this before”. Great words to live by.
“it is all fun and games until a sore loser loses or someone accuses someone of cheating.” ― R.K. Cowles
As I said, I hate to lose in anything I compete in that is important.
But not liking to lose does not make me a poor or bad loser. It means that when I compete I do so to win. If I don’t win then I am unhappy with the result.
Am I gracious to the winner? It depends on who it is and how they act. If it is someone I like or respect, no problem. If it is someone who is underhanded or who I really do not like, it depends again on how they act. If they are gracious winners, I most likely am. If not, I ignore them and move on.
I also do not dwell on my loss. I certainly try to learn from not winning so the next time the outcome is different. But I will not stay on it forever. If I do, the next opportunity may pass me by and now I have lost for a second time by my poor action.
When I started my consulting business with my partners, we asked for a grant or a loan from a state funded organization that we did many projects for.
We were sure since we did so much work for them and since we had what we thought was a great relationship that we would get the money.
Lo and behold, they turned us down. It was quite a blow at the time and we were never given a good reason why. Instead of sulking, we worked hard and got a line of credit from a local lender which helped tide us over till we built a solid foundation.
To our surprise and dismay, the organization that refused to help us financially then told everyone that it was because of them that we existed and were successful. I learned a lot from that about who your true friends are and how people will lie at your expense to build themselves up. We continued to work together, but our relationship had changed and we started to get much more business that did not include them.
“God is a sore loser. Me and him made a bet, and when he lost, he refused to pay up.” ― Lionel Suggs
I am sure we have all come across both poor or sore losers and equally bad winners in our lifetime.
I would be amazed if anyone reading this has not. They are not our favorite people and just like my dad, we prefer not to play with them. There is little if anything we can do to change them. But we can control who we are and what we do.
In conclusion, it is ok to be disappointed or even angry if we lose a contest, business deal or competition that we felt we could have won. Learn from the loss and move on. You will be stronger and wiser for it. No one wins everything they try in life. But if you win more than you lose and treat the losses as learning experiences you will be the better person for it.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Peter H. Christian was a founding partner and president of espi, a business consulting firm in Northeastern PA. Previously he was an Executive at Crayola Corporation. He has worked with 300+ clients in business development, profit improvement, operations, IS selection and implementation, and Project Management. He has 40+ years of experience in strategic and facility planning, CI, lean, and supply chain. He has helped companies to realize millions of dollars in cost reductions and profit improvements adding and retaining thousands of jobs. He has authored the Amazon bestselling business books, “What About the Vermin Problem?” and “Influences and Influencers” (4 out of 4 star review on Online Bookclub) and is published in a variety of professional magazines. He is most appreciative of Dr. Rodney Ridley and Donald Schalk of the O’Pake Institute, Alvernia University for their support in allowing him to teach this important course
