What Keeps You Awake at Night?
Getting help
“The best advice I can give to anyone going through a rough patch is to never be afraid to ask for help.” Demi Lovato
So, is getting help or conversely not getting help what is keeping you awake at night?
Are you concerned that no one really cares about you, certainly in regard to seeing that you are struggling and need some assistance from them?
Chances are good that is far from reality. I know from experience that there are many people who are willing to help you, all you have to do is ask. I wrote about this in my book, “Influences and Influencers”. In it, I named a number of people who were looking out for and helped me, sometimes without me even asking them to do so. And there were others I didn’t mention who when asked to also provided assistance.
So, there were and still are many people in my life who when needed provided and still provide support and help. Sure there are some who are not reliable. Not everyone is. But to think that there is no one who knows your difficulties or needs and is indifferent or ignoring you is wrong. Dead wrong.
Instead of worrying that you have no help, sit down and think about those who have helped you in the past.
If they did it before, more than likely they will do it again. Hopefully when they did, you thanked them and showed your appreciation. If not, there may be some reluctance for further help, as they may feel that you only give them attention when you need something. Then you forget them till the next time.
If that has happened, you may need to apologize and not let it happen again. Even the most caring individuals do not like to be taken advantage of.
Also think about those who did not come through for you in the past. Unless there was some great reason that could or would not, those are the unreliable people that you cannot depend on. Don’t even bother asking them again for help. You will just be disappointed when they say yes and then not follow through.
I am sure you will be surprised by the number of folks who have helped you in the past.
Sometimes we take people for granted or just plain forget how they have helped us in the past. I was somewhat guilty of that but upon reflecting on where I am in life, it hit me that I wouldn’t have achieved all I did without help from others. No one can go it alone in life. I am no exception.
“No one who achieves success does so without acknowledging the help of others. The wise and confident acknowledge this help with gratitude.”
Alfred North Whitehead
Realizing this and thinking about those who care for us and will help us when needed should be of comfort. If it isn’t there may be a more deep seated problem that needs to be addressed. Hopefully that is not the case and it is just that we are in a rut and need to get past our concerns and move on.
The other thing that needs to be addressed as part of our concern is, “What help do I actually need?”
In many cases it isn’t that we need help, but it is easier to have someone do things for us than to tend to them ourselves. That isn’t a need for assistance as that we are too reliant on others to do things for us that we can do ourselves.
I saw that when my parents needed some assistance due to health problems. My sister and I brought an aid in to help them. My father started to abuse the person’s help and wanted her to do everything for him and my mother. I intervened and told them that she was there to help, not to be a servant. And the assistant pushed back and told them what she would and wouldn’t do, especially when they could handle it themselves.
When my mother finally went into an assisted living facility, the staff complained to me that she wasn’t doing anything on her own and that she required assistance with everything from laundry to bathing. I asked them if they had offered to help her with these things and they said they had. I told them that she was used to my father doing everything for her and they had just opened the door to the same situation with her. Once they offered, she took them up on the offer and they wound up doing things that she could do herself.
They weren’t helping her by doing everything for her. Per the saying, “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish feed him for a lifetime”, they were feeding her every day and she was taking advantage of it. Hopefully that is not what you are doing.
In conclusion, there are many people who have and will help us when help is really needed.
We just need to realize this and that we are not alone. If we are it is because we are not asking for help or have isolated ourselves and people don’t know that we need their assistance. While they care about us, they have their own lives to lead and are not always aware of what our needs are while they are tending to their own lives.
By showing our appreciation for their help and not abusing their efforts on our behalf, there will always be people there to provide assistance when needed. This should be of comfort to us and certainly not be a cause for something that keeps us awake at night.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Peter H. Christian was a founding partner and president of espi, a business consulting firm in Northeastern PA. Previously he was an Executive at Crayola Corporation. He has worked with 300+ clients in business development, profit improvement, operations, IS selection and implementation, and Project Management. He has 40+ years of experience in strategic and facility planning, CI, lean, and supply chain. He has helped companies to realize millions of dollars in cost reductions and profit improvements adding and retaining thousands of jobs. He has authored the Amazon bestselling business books, “What About the Vermin Problem?” and “Influences and Influencers” and is published in a variety of professional magazines. He is most appreciative of Dr. Rodney Ridley and Donald Schalk of the O’Pake Institute, Alvernia University for their support in allowing him to teach this important course.
